Back to Books

I have become increasing suicidal watching the world regress into global fascism with its whole chest on Mastodon, and every other social site on earth. I have deleted all my Instagram accounts except one, my Twitter accounts I never use, my Facebook account I created as a brand and never use, kept LinkedIn and Lemmy instances and Iā€™m only logged into a few Mastodon instances. I have to use LinkedIn as I look for work and network on the site, despite me hating that kind of interaction. LinkedIn is a capitalist hellscape and I hate it.

The Great Reset

I hate Discord. I hate Slack. I donā€™t do well with those kinds of online social interactions. Watching YouTube garbage is rotting my brain[1].

I decided that I need to go back to my roots: BBForums and reading books.

Black and white photo of a Kindle Paperwhite
First eInk reader, Kindle Paperwhite

Color photo of a Kindle Paperwhite
First eInk reader, Kindle Paperwhite

Black and white of a Kindle Paperwhite
First eInk reader, Kindle Paperwhite

Photo of the Kindle Paperwhite 2018 packaging
First eInk reader, Kindle Paperwhite

Color photo of a Kindle Paperwhite
First eInk reader, Kindle Paperwhite

Woman holding a Kindle Paperwhite in her hand
Paperwhite, handheld

Photo of the Kobo Forma 1 packaging
Moved to Kobo in 2021

A picture of the Kobo Forma 1
Sweet looking reader, huh

A picture of the Kobo Sage
May favorite eReader by far

Iā€™ve been reading books since I was 3 years old; my mom, though she couldnā€™t read really at all herself, read to me every night. Childrenā€™s books are easy enough, so she would read me something nightly because I enjoyed it. So one day, I remember picking up the Golden spine childrens book The Little Red Hen and sounding out the words myself (I didnā€™t know how to sound out lettuce until maybe 2nd grade), and I ran downstairs and said, ā€œmommy! mommy! Look!ā€ and proceeded to read the book followed by multiple calls to family members to show them my parlor trick.

I would read voraciously from that day until around the age of 16 when the psychosis and despair were fucking with my brain real heavy. I couldnā€™t concentrate for shit as my brain was filled with outside voices that would say shit to me on repeat.

I wouldnā€™t be able to pick books back up again until much later, around the age of 27 when I got on my current meds which are starting to fail me. I picked up a Jonathan Kellerman book and off to the races I went.

Eventually I found the Mobileread website and forums. It was there I found the ebook management software Calibre. A friend of mine taught me how to šŸ“ā€ā˜ ļø books on Demonoid and I must have downloaded 4000 books, most of which I tossed because I am no longer interested in them. Once I was employed I bought books, lots of them and in order to actually read them on whatever I fucking want I used DeDRM tools in Calibre to make that happen.

Screenshot of Mobileread forums as a desktop app on macOS
Going to this forum daily has finally gotten me to realize I am an old person. I can no longer deny or fight that fact.
Screenshot of Calibre ebook management software on macOS
Calibre is life.
Screenshot of my Mobileread forum profile as a desktop app on macOS
Old bookish lady doing old bookish shit.

Goodreads

I used Goodreads a lot around 2009-2016. I was trying to do that MFA thing before I realized I was dirt poor and that shit is for trust fund babies and even if I were to get a full ride to do it, Iā€™d still be dirt poor. I decided to do what Iā€™ve always wanted to do and work in tech. The pay was great but I actually enjoy tech. It didnā€™t matter if it was $50-60Kor if I was making or $120K, I wanted to work in tech.

So I did. I started to read more non-fiction and noped out of Goodreads. It had been hard to find the time to read when I was on social media and consuming other things. Iā€™ve always been a completionist for everything I read or games I play and itā€™s taken me quite a while to realize that time is finite and I am running out of it so if I donā€™t jive with a book or game, just put it down. So I do that now.

Screenshot of Goodreads as a desktop app on macOS
Goodreads still has its place.

Fiction

I was listening to a lot of true crime books as, funny enough, there are a couple narrators I fall asleep to and books that arenā€™t too gory for me to sleep with while listening. However I began to notice it taking a toll on me mentally. Sometimes Iā€™d dream about the book I was listening to while I was sleeping and I already have night terrors practically nightly for which I take medication. I began to feel darker than usual.

I missed actually reading things that made me feel good. I missed using my eInk ereader. And I missed good fiction. So I picked up a childhood favorite, Itā€™s Like This, Cat a 1963 Newberry Award winner I begged my mom to get me from the Scholastic Book fair.

I am enjoying the hell out of that on my Kindle Paperwhite; they had it as a freebie on Amazon years ago and as someone who has always loved cats (I mean if you ainā€™t know that by now, idk what to tell you) I decided to revist the book which is more adult than I remember it being.

I also reread, for maybe the 20th time, Amy Hempelā€™s short story In the Cemetery Where Al Jolson is Buried. I read it for creative writing class a long time ago. It was written in 1983 for a university fiction journal and I remember it breaking me every time I read it. If youā€™re a woman or woman presenting person with a best friend you love more than anything this story will hurt you in all the best and worst ways. You can find it as a PDF on Fictionaut. Hit me up if you want it and Iā€™ll email it to you.

Back to bed

Iā€™ve been sick a lot while living here and last night was the first night in about two months I actually had any energy so I cleaned the floor and tried to upgrade this site to v3 which broke pretty much everything. I reverted back and now I need to sleep; it is almost 6:30 AM.

A photo of an iPad Pro 2018 model with a book opened in MapleRead app
I miss living in this loft. I used to go out here and read and watch the birds and soak up the sun in the summer. Now I am truly getting depressed.

  1. I have Yatee to keep that shit at a minimum but I log into the web interface anyway and I really wish there was a way to completely block that site foreverā€¦ I actually can. I will do that today. ā†©ļøŽ

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